Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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