good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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