i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
