3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
