Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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