I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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