we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
