U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
