fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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