dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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