i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
