you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
