I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
