I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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