TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
