I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
