you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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