I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There's always time for handjobs
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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