her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
