So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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