Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
