OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
