I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
