just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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