u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
