dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
as a side note pls kill me
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
