people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
