just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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