My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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