I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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