the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She announced her abortion via fbk
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
