I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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