i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You may now shotgun with the bride
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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