and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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