I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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