well I can't set my house on fire every night
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
