C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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