can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
