I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize