oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
