I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
