I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
