I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
