My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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