I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
They have beer where we have blood.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i out mim tonsoeep
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