I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize