pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
