i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she peed on how many people?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
