he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
