I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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