Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
