it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Who died my cat blue again?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
