so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
