If that was your dad, he is hot
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The power of my boobs compel you
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
