That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
