I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
