then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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