.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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