Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
