Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
