I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We got so high we made milksteak
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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