cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
