I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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