I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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