its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm always down for nudity.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
