Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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