I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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