his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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