Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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