oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize