I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
