Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
