kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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