I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
