Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
