My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
this is an emotional support booty call
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
