I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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