Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
