After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I need moral support for this bender
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
