Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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