Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
